The Importance of Bringing Emotional Intelligence to the Negotiating Table

Emotional intelligence – or EQ for short – is an incredibly powerful tool when it comes to negotiations. Yes, you want to drive a hard bargain, but the best way to get what you'd hope for is to sway people by tapping into their emotions and using your own. Emotional intelligence at the negotiating table is the key to getting results which leave both parties feeling satisfied.

There are three key elements to emotional intelligence – persuasion, influence and empathy.

Persuasion is the art of making people change their minds. Some people are natural persuaders, others have to work on it as one of their soft skills. Being persuasive starts by assessing what the other party wants from the negotiations, so you can work out how best to tone down their expectations and raise your own chances of success.

The way to persuade people is by building a solid rapport, finding common ground and putting the 'human touch' back into business. You should focus on the positives in what you're offering and diminish any concerns they might have, answering their problems with solutions. It also pays to be humble now and then. Acknowledge where there are weak points, but try to outline how they can be overcome.

Secondly, you need to exert some influence. Influence is similar to persuasion, but it involves a little more pushing back. This is all about convincing someone to do something at the same time as letting them think it was their idea in the first place.

You have to ensure this is indeed influencing and doesn't come across as threatening, however unintentional. You don't need to coerce people or ignore other people's opinions – in fact, you need to do the complete opposite. Instead you need to be self-aware and willing to change how you present your case, depending on how the other side is feeling. You also need to go in with confidence, because that makes people trust your opinions.

Finally, empathy. Empathy is the ability to tune in to and appreciate the way other people are thinking and feeling. It's vital during negotiations because it's another way of adding that human touch, which makes people feel valued and more likely to empathise with you in return.

Showing you've taken their feelings, concerns and wishes into consideration helps win people over. Empathy is the most effective and subtle way of getting them on your side, making them more willing to see your point of view and accept what you're offering.

Yes, negotiating is about trying to get the best deal you can, but it has to be done with emotional intelligence. If you want people to come round to your way of thinking and give a little more, then persuasiveness, influence and empathy are essential at the negotiating table.